Despite the decision made in the wilderness, I remained there in complete isolation for almost two years, “fed by the ravens” so to speak. Jesus, in his own way, saw I get the discipleship the church was not too forthcoming to give, and it was at this time that my gifting began to emerge, chief among them being the “still, small voice” of the Lord, a phenomena I did not entirely understand, was frightened of, and yet could not resist. In those early days in the wilderness, I was isolated, still immature in the faith and gifts, and hence while having an open door in my soul to the influence of spirits, lacked the spiritual discernment needed to distinguish what is of god and what is not. It took years to undo the damage, and to this day the new age movement is a stumbling stone to me (one I stay far clear of!) The main arena the ideas I had effected was my writing, I spent the last three years of high school and my first year of college hovered over a keyboard, writing novels. I produced six from this period of creative frenzy, not one of which was completely free from that taint, most of them I cleansed out of a sense of duty, for I felt a stronger sense of divine inspiration behind this burst of creativity. Some were easier “fixed” than others.      

In any event, I did not tip toe out of the wilderness until after my Junior year of high school, when my friends invited me to go to their Youth group with them.   When I did, I came to a startling revelation: you were supposed to get something out of church!  This youth group was very different from the first.  Besides the fact that I was older, Rockhouse is Pentecostal, not Baptist (my roots).  For the first time, I began to understand a few things that had baffled me about the holy spirit and worship as a child.  I also began to grow spiritually at rates that left those around me startled, impressed, or grateful for having known me. Perhaps this was in part thanks to a mysterious secret Santa who gave me a bible (ironically produced by a school program to help disadvantaged teens go to college that was funded by the same federal government that took the bible out of the schools) during my wilderness days which I had begun to read already, but it did not bear fruit until I was firmly planted back in the church, as being in church produced a stronger desire to study the word with depth. It was the influence of the church, the word, and daily devotion over months and years that steered me back on track. Despite the flaws I perceived at Evangel temple later on, I still look on those days fondly and gratefully. I learned there how important it is to be rooted in the church, for surely without we are indeed as sheep going astray.    

   Simply put, the point is thus: if you're present church is leaving you hungry for more, don't give up on the faith, find another church. God has a spiritual home out there for you, let him help you find it. Give your life to Christ or continue to suffer through doing things your way or attempting to do things gods way on your own. Trust me. He knows what he’s doing.